SIXTEEN AND DATING

There are certain moments in your life that you look forward to counting down the days until they happen.   Turning sixteen was one of those dates for me.  There were two major events that happened when I turned sixteen.  First, I could drive and secondly I could begin dating.  Being able to drive gave me the freedom of going places without my parents.   Dating was just as exciting as being able to drive because now I could go out with boys.   Both events played an important role in my life, but each one could not happen until I turned sixteen.  Both were rules that were not broken.      

In today’s society, a teen can get their learning permit at fifteen; thus changing the magical age from sixteen to fifteen.  However, the age is not what has changed when it comes to dating.   The dating process itself is what has changed over time.   It has been suggested that sixteen be the magical age to begin dating.  I agree with this age, however, I feel that the traditional idea of dating has changed.  To say that age sixteen is the magical age must come with additional criteria. 

Just as dating differs in many cultures, dating in today’s society differs than it did when I was growing up.  When I was sixteen, a date was when a young man picked you up at your house, met your parents, took you someplace and paid for the activity.  Today kids do not date, as in going on activities together with the hope of getting to know each other.  They hang out in groups and only ‘date’ if they are a couple.  And at that point it is not necessarily going out somewhere, it simply means that they are a couple, thus dating.  To me, this would be called going steady.

It seems that in today’s society our youth are trying to grow up so fast.  I think this is true with relationships as well.  Today, the youth are noticing the opposite sex at a younger age and they seem to be experiencing intimate relationships much earlier than my society did.  We as parents may think it is cute or sweet when our 12 year old comes home and states that they have a girlfriend or a boyfriend.  We think of it as innocent and do not realize the potential hazards that it may cause.   Children in today’s society are beginning to pair up as early as 12 years old and it is common to become a couple between the ages of 12 and 14.  Parents must realize that dating as we knew it has changed.  Dating is now considered pairing up.   It is not the simple opportunities to get to know each other.  It has become so much more.

Traditional dating does not mean the same to youth today that it did to the adult generation.  A traditional date is when a boy calls a girl and asks her out.  Today, girls often call boys.  Traditionally the boy would pick the girl up at her home and come in to meet her parents.  In today’s dating society, girls will often meet a boy at the destination or the boy will honk to let the girl know he had arrived.  Unless demanded by a parent, you may not even meet the young man dating your daughter until much later in the relationship.   This is a sad change that is happening more and more today with our teens. 

             It addition to waiting until you are sixteen, it is suggested that when you begin dating you should date in groups.  Group dating in the traditional sense would be when a boy asked you out on a date and you meet with other couples and enjoy an activity together.  Group dating is a good way to get to know each other.  You can be yourself in a group situation without the pressure of being placed in an intimate situation.  I agree with idea.  It provides the ideal situation to get to know a person better and to see how they interact with others.  Many times being around friends in a group situation your date will relax and be themselves; thus giving you the opportunity to see what they are truly like. 

          In today’s society teens do not group date in the traditional way.  Teens go to different activities with a group of friends and hang out in groups of mixed company.  At these settings there are a few that will pair up, but for the most part, there are many teens just hanging out with each other.  One does not invite the other, they just come in groups and thus they are not dating.  Often these activities in which teens hang out together begin happening when the teens are between twelve and fourteen.  Because these teens begin hanging out together so early in their lives, by the time they are sixteen they consider themselves ready for a serious relationship. 

Group dating can be a great idea; however, it can lead to additional problems.  In some cases teens feel more comfortable and allow their defenses to drop making decisions that they would not normally make.  There may also be added pressure from peers causing teens to make unwise decisions.

Traditional dating would begin at age sixteen.  Teens would date in group settings getting to know each other.  Then once they become age eighteen or older they would begin to single date, meaning, going on dates as a couple.  While dating as a single couple, you should be chaperoned or you should avoid placing yourself in intimate situations.  In today’s society teens begin to single date at age sixteen.  This leads to intimate relationships at a young age in which most of these teens are not ready for this type of relationship.

There is much wisdom in waiting to date until age sixteen.  However, as parents we cannot rely on this alone.  As a parent you must have a good relationship with your teens.  You need to have guidelines that are clear and understood which you discuss often with your teens.  You need to know where they are and what they are doing.   You cannot assume that they are good kids and making all the right choices.  Dating should be an exciting time in your teen’s life and by being aware of their experiences; it will be an exciting time for you as a parent as well.